Dear National Security Council: Thanks for not burdening us with excessive information

You know what makes me mad? When people don’t realize I’m busy and don’t need my brain cluttered up with lots of superfluous names and dates and numbers. That’s why I’m grateful to Frederick Jones:

More than 600,000 Iraqis have died by violence since the U.S.-led invasion in 2003, according to a study released today by researchers at Johns Hopkins University…

Frederick Jones, a spokesman for the National Security Council said “many experts” found that a 2004 study by the same group “wildly inflated the findings.” That study said the war had caused 100,000 Iraqi deaths.

You see? Mr. Jones could have blathered on and on for hours, naming the specific thousands of extremely qualified experts who came to that conclusion about the earlier study. But he knows I don’t have time for that kind of nonsense! All I need to hear is that these many experts are out there, showing we haven’t killed any Iraqis during this war. In fact, I suspect these very same experts have found we’ve actually caused several hundred thousand dead Iraqis to be resurrected.

Thanks, National Security Council—for keeping my brain secure!