Pity The Election Year Democrats, For They Know Not What They Do

Of the 10.5 Democrats who voted in favor of giving President Bush the powers of a despot, 5.5 are running for reelection. Since these men are all in heated election battles, I think it’s only fair that we get to know them and maybe get a better idea of why they stabbed their party and their country in the back.

Tom Carper

Graduating from the ranks of “Who’s the hell is that guy?” is Thomas Carper of Delaware, who’s in a tough reelection battle against Republican Jan Ting. How tough? Well, with little more than a month before election day, he’s only got a 40-point lead over his challenger. That must explain why he was so quick to jump on the anti-habeas corpus bandwagon. Those wedge issues can be a bitch.

Bob Menendez

New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez has an even tougher challenge ahead of him. Not only does he have to struggle through life with an oddly-shaped head, but he’s only up by six in a state which hasn’t elected a Republican to the Senate in 34 years.

Ben Nelson

Then there’s the case of Nebraska’s Senator Ben Nelson. Yes, he looks like the dad from The Wonder Years, but I’m not going to mock the looks of two Senators in a row. Besides, he’s got other things to worry about, like being a Democratic politician in a blood-red state. After winning his first term by a narrow 51%-49% margin, you can bet that Sen. Nelson knows that he has to veer right to stay in office. If he didn’t support torture, his Republican challenger might start to catch up to Nelson’s 23-point lead.


At a glance, Michigan Senator Debbie Stabenow’s surname kinda looks like “stab me now”. Kinda fitting for someone who’s giving the President the power to decide unilaterally what constitutes torture. The latest poll only has her up by 7 points, so you can see why she wants to give the President a blank check.

Bill Nelson

The other Senator Nelson also has a bad case of red state fever. Like most Democrats, Bill Nelson is a grand master in the “let’s wait and see what happens” school of political campaigning. Unfortunately for Bill, he’s up against Republican superstar Katherine Harris. Perhaps if Nelson caught a lucky break, then maybe Harris’s campaign would run into some troubles…things like having the National Republican Party oppose her candidacy or having her entire campaign staff quit or being tied to a bribery scandal or being accused of “increasingly erratic behavior” by a former campaign manager. Those things could sink a candidacy, but Harris only has to gain 28 points in the next 40 days. Just to be safe, Nelson should probably support the GOP’s efforts to shred the constitution.

My head hurts.

This is Joe Lieberman. He only gets half a picture because he’s only half a Democrat. The other half is douchebag. Of course he voted alongside the Republicans. They’re the ones paying his bills these days.

So as you can see, these six Senators had to vote along with the Republicans. If they didn’t, the might risk the Democrat’s chances of retaking the Senate (which, including the 11 Democratic torture-supporters , will be a mixed blessing at best). Screw values. As long as we win the election, everything will take care of itself! They’re just pretending to be immoral assholes with no regard for the constitution, right? CLAP LOUDER!

Uggghh…wake me up in 2008.